When thinking about where to start, I kept coming back to the “pillars” because it has been the distinction and practice of the pillars that have brought me to this place. Talking from direct experience also makes this about sharing what I have learned and what I know. It is not based on dogma nor does it require anybody to follow what I say.
It is merely a perspective that I share from my own direct experience, and experience for me is the true teacher.
I define a pillar practice as an activity that:
I prioritise, do frequently and consistently, and enhances my personal integrity, my internal and external capacity, and my experience of life.
The action is specific, occurs at a specific time, and for a specific period of time.
- I prioritise – because I know that by fulfilling it, I am living consistently with what it means to me, to live a life of personal integrity.
- I do it frequently – generally daily, weekly or fortnightly at a specific and measurable time, and for a specific and measurable period, either alone or with others depending on context.
- I do consistently – because I know that it fills my cup, serves me and enables me to serve others. It makes a difference in my life and the lives of others.
- Cultivates internal capacity – and my ability to reference from within and as such, reduce the impact of external stimulation and validation
- Cultivates external capacity – is aligned with what I am doing and who I am being in the world, and contributes to creating and having a life that works.
- I experience – a sense of peace, calm, that I matter, and a feeling of connection to myself and to others.
Pillars are integrated with tapestries and have all the same qualities and parameters as mentioned above, other than one. In contrast to pillar practices, tapestry do not occur at a specific time, for a specific period, and the action itself is often less specific.
See Tables 1 and 2 below (Pillar Practice vs Tapestry)
| Activity | Measurable | Specific |
|---|---|---|
| Time | Measurable | Specific |
| Period | Measurable | Specific |
| Example | Meditate, twice daily, every day | At 8am & 8pm, in my room, for 20 minutes |
| Activity | Measurable | Non-specific |
|---|---|---|
| Time | Measurable | Non-specific |
| Period | Measurable | Non-specific |
| Example | Charity, set proportion of my income, each week | Whenever, to whomever, and however I please |
Let me illustrate both with an example. I will use meditation as an example of a pillar practice and tithing as an example of a tapestry.
My meditation practice as pillar practice is as follows: 20 minutes, twice per day, in a seated closed eye posture, usually done alone but sometimes done with others. Mornings predominantly at sunrise and outdoors, and evenings predominantly in the meditation space I have created at home, performed in the early evening. A total of 14 sits per week for a total of 280 minutes which equates to 4 hours and 40 minutes.
My tithing practice as a tapestry (practice) is as follows: on a weekly basis I manually transfer money via a banking app from my spending account into a tithing account. The amount is 10% of the money that goes into the spending account. I then look for opportunities throughout the week to use that money in various acts of service, from buying raffle tickets in local fund raisers, to purchasing food for homeless people. I have decided not to automate transfers from the tithing account, so that I can be fully conscious when the money is used.
My pillars and tapestries are my oxygen mask. They are what feeds my inner cultivations, my integrity, my capacity, my sense of self and my commitment to what I am doing in the world.
As such I am completely committed to them as distinct from attached.
Committed means that they are prioritised and they are prioritised in proportion to the immense value they give me. They are absolutely at the forefront and I do not put other activities before them.
I also recognise that life by design is unpredictable, it ebbs and flows, and sometimes unforeseen things come up. Sometimes, flexibility and responsiveness to the needs of the moment require me to temporarily set aside my pillars and tapestries. Committed but not rigid, disciplined but not mechanical. When they are set aside it is done with intention and awareness, and a clear commitment to living with integrity and responding in a way that is consistent with my values.
My pillars and tapestries are not set in stone, but changing them is always done in a considered manner.
As of today, 6 January 2022 my pillars are:
| PILLAR ACTIVITY | FACET | SUB-FACET | BEING (for this practice) | WHEN | WITH WHO | DURATION |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| fortnightly date night with Caroline | FAMILY | partner | connected | fortnightly | Caroline | 4 hours |
| dinner at my parents one night per week | FAMILY | parents | acceptance & service | monday evenings | my parents and my sons | 2 hours |
| 8km run – once per week | PHYSICAL | outer health | in action | lunchtime or weekend afternoons | alone but what is missing could be a buddy | 40 minutes |
| one on one time with my son Leroy | FAMILY | children | grateful & present | Monday evenings post my folks | Leroy | 90 minutes |
| dinner with my sons at my folks | FAMILY | children | calm | fortnightly Monday evenings after Kung-fu | Rohan (and the folks and Leroy there as well) | 2 hours |
| kung fu training twice per week | PHYSICAL | outer health | committed | Mondays and Thursdays | My sons and with Brett | 1 hour each |
| One HIIT session & pool or ocean swim | PHYSICAL | outer health | focused | Mondays and Thursdays | Sven | 90 minutes |
| strength training session – once per week | PHYSICAL | outer health | committed | Tuesdays | Jason | 1 hour |
| gratitude practice twice weekly | PERSONAL EVOLUTION & CONNECTION | serving others | grateful | Monday and Wednesdays | On my own | 10 minutes each times |
| Mens group Eastern Suburbs (fortnightly) | SOCIAL | friends | grateful | Mondays fortnightly | the men | 2 hour |
| journal once per week | MENTAL | clarity – doing and being | committed | Monday mornings 6:30 – 7:45 | on my own | 75 minutes |
| face to face connect with a a man or men once per week- can include coffee, walk, lunch etc | SOCIAL | friends | abundant | It has been Friday mornings but not really working | A man in my world | 1 hour |
| The Sit Avalon every Saturday – meditate, train, swim, coffee with the crew | SOCIAL | local community | light and playful | Saturday mornings | The Av community | 3 hour |
| Meditate twice per day | PERSONAL EVOLUTION & CONNECTION | free | daily twice per day for 20 minutes | on my own and in community | 20 minutes per sit | |
| the course in miracles daily | PERSONAL EVOLUTION & CONNECTION | spiritual development | connected | daily in the morning | on my own | 10 minutes |
| smoothie DAILY | PHYSICAL | inner health | consistent | daily each morning | my family | 10 minutes |
| TAPESTRIES | FACET | BEING | FREQUENCY | SCHEDULED RHYTHM |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| no dairy, no cherries, no pine nuts, no salmon, and eating really good quality protein and good amounts of vegetables | PERSONAL EVOLUTION & CONNECTION | intentional | Daily | NA |
| Keeping my desk and working space, my car and my cupboard completely organised | MENTAL | intentional | Daily | NA |
| tithing | PERSONAL EVOLUTION & CONNECTION | abundant | Daily | NA |
